So I have failed in my accountability test. It’s an honest assessment of myself.
I tried hard to track my progress everyday, but mid-way, I quit. It’s difficult to be on track of everything when you have many other things going on in your life. A lot has happened over the last couple of months, and honestly, my “training” took the back seat. That’s not an excuse, I just want to let myself know of the reason why I quit.
Living in the present is still very much a challenge, as much as it was a few months back when I started the goal. I think over time, however, I have learned more about myself. A few things that I learned:
- It’s all in the mind. You can do anything if you develop your mind to more easily say yes to that, than if your mind is automatically programmed to say no.
- You have to keep your mind in an equilibrium state. Ups and downs happen every day. It’s better to be happy than sad of course, but you can’t become too excited and forget about everything else.
- Planning is good, but even plan your planning, i.e. don’t be planning all the time, else you’re never going to live in the moment.
- After a busy day at work, my mind is still processing thoughts, rapidly. It’s hard to bring it to a control, to consciously bring it to a standstill, where I can focus on one thing at a time. So you need to take 5 minutes for yourself, just 5 minutes, to calm yourself down and live in the now.
Once again, I am going to start training my mind. Train my mind to think more slowly, more clearly. Think good thoughts. And to live in the present. These are the three things I struggle with the most. Focus is such an invaluable skill that I don’t want to let my laziness or my lack of effort in developing my mindset be the cause for not having any.
My goal is the same as it was last time: go to bed mindfully. There are 3 main choices I have to achieve this goal: (1) focusing on my breath, (2) chanting, (3) thinking about how my day went, every single moment of it.
Here I go again.
UPDATE 10/11/15: I was scrolling through my posts and realized I never followed up on this. 😦 Well, the truth is, I never really had concrete results with this habit of living in the present and being more mindful. Just too much going on, and the fact that I didn’t care as much as I thought I did. It’s harsh, but true. Anyhow, this is probably a lifelong habit, more than just a short sprint, to be mindful and appreciate the small things everyday. I’ll keep this habit in mind though, and practice whenever I can.